So after writing my last post, I consistently had 3 blog ideas the 3 days after I posted it. But did I sit down and immediately write these thoughts down? Of course not, I procrastinated and thought, I will just write them later! Well, guess what? I forgot everything that I was going to write about. And when I finally sat down to write something, I had a brain block and absolutely nothing came to my mind. So I shut the computer down and did something else. So my words of advice to me and all those other procrastinators, write things down as soon as you think of them, or you may forget them, and the wisdom that may have come with them will be forever lost! In other news, this past Saturday was the first Valentine’s Day Chris and I spent together as a married couple! Add it to our book of firsts! Oh yeah!!!! We had an awesome time together! We first exchanged gifts and then we just went out and explored! There wasn’t any real pressure from either one of us. The plan was to, in Chris’s words, “just go”. We do both enjoy spontaneity! So we went to a small town, that we rarely travel to together and we walked around and discovered some cool little shops. We went to Goodwill and found some treasures, then we went to a place called Jo-Ads, which is an two part Amish-type store. In one part of the store they have food and grocery which is amazing! We bought some mint chocolate fudge, some potato soup, and we even found dandelion mix for drinking, called Dandy Blend! In the other part of the store was furniture…handmade, hand built furniture! And boy was it beautiful! We sat in the most beautifully carved, most comfortable rocking chairs….wow. Just wow. Next we walked to a hardware store, that was very well stocked with just about anything you could ever need as far as hardware goes. As we walked around the store, we thought of so many things we want to do when spring comes! How exciting….it will be a spring of firsts…if spring ever comes…. Why do I say that? Well because we were hungry, so after walking back in the freezing cold to our car, it started to snow. When we got to the pizzeria that we were going to eat at, the wind picked up and the snow did too. Quite literally. As it came down the wind was blowing it everywhere! We couldn’t see 20 feet out the window of the restaurant. It reminded me of the day we first met in person. It was in the summer and sunny, we had just gone hiking and to Dairy Queen. We went to the park to play some basketball, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it started downpouring! We played in the rain a bit until it started pouring down so hard we couldn’t see! We took shelter under the shelter next to the court and got to talk about our families. It was a beautiful time! And now, here we were, in a random out of the blue blizzard! Crazy! So we got calzones and huge ice cream cones!!! Who gets huge ice cream cones in a blizzard? We do! That’s how we roll! After lunch we rented some movies and enjoyed the evening snuggling and staying out of the freezing cold! haha! It was an amazing Valentine adventure! So our first Valentine’s as a married couple was a great success!
Oh no…this isn’t about jelly…
When I was younger, every Saturday my mom would have us get up by 8 am and start cleaning the house….and not just like normal chores, but deep cleaning. You know, like getting everything off the shelf, dusting the shelf, dusting the things that go on the shelf before you put that back on the dusted shelf…that kind of cleaning. So naturally, doing that for most of the Saturdays of my life, I have tried to stick with that. I am proud to say that it has carried over to my married life.
Have you ever felt like you can feel your house getting dirty? That was me today. I knew the dishes weren’t done, I knew the carpet needed vacuumed, and the laundry?!?!? I don’t want to even talk about it…but I will…PILES EVERYWHERE! Clean and dirty clothes. And I don’t know if anyone else’s hubby does this, but at times, Chris can be a clothes hoarder. What do I mean by that? Well, Chris has a laundry basket tucked away in our room that he puts clothing that he has worn for a day…or two…that he wants to where again the next day…WHAT? Where does that even come from? I don’t know! I grew up knowing that if you wear your clothing for an entire day, then at the end of the day, you put them in the laundry basket. And we have a nice laundry hamper for the dirty clothes, and generally when the hamper is full, the laundry gets done. I don’t like to let things pile up…(it makes me feel like the house is getting dirty again.)
So, after a very nice Valentine’s brunch and service at church, we came home and it was time to WORK! So I turn on some jams. I am a musicaholic. I can admit it. I sing all the time, listen to music all the time…and when I am not, it is going on inside my mind! Certain words trigger music to just burst out of me at times…Chris’s family thinks this is funny, and sometimes annoying…
Anyway, I jam to Christian tunes. OH YEAH! There’s nothing like a good Christian jam, and I am not talking sweet contemporary Misty Edwards…I am talking about some Lecrae, Tedashii, even MercyMe has some good upbeat songs….which is something I want to share with you today. MercyMe has come out with this very nice, upbeat song and boy, when it came on over my Pandora radio station today…I was dancing, singing, and folding laundry all at the same time!
The song is called greater. It emphasized the Bible verse 1 John 4:4, “Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” This is a beautiful verse! Anyway, I encourage you to check out this song, because when you are in need of a cleaning jam, physically or spiritually cleaning, this song is for you! Check it out!:
To say that “I suffer from nightmares” makes nightmares sound like a plague or something. In my mind, they are. Especially when there are so many night after night, and especially when I remember them. They can be so very vivid at times.
However, the past couple of nights, it hasn’t been just me suffering. Chris has also woken up in the middle of the night from them And last night, our nightmares were about babies. Both of us had nightmares about babies on the same night. I don’t know if that is some kind of sign, or if God is trying to tell us something, or if Satan is just attacking, but it was weird when we were sharing them with each other this morning.
Chris shared his nightmare with me first: In the nightmare, he dreamed we had a baby. After the baby was born, my mom and dad (who were not my real-life mom and dad [apparently I had different parents in his nightmare, which is good in this case]) stole our baby and we were frantically running around in the dream trying to save our child.
I wish I could share more details with you, but that’s all Chris told me.
Then it was time for me to tell my nightmare: I dreamed that it was re-election time. We had already voted…and I think it was the upcoming election (2016) because Hilary Clinton was running. And the most awful thing happened. Hilary Clinton won the election. But the most awful thing about that was as soon as she won the election, we were watching TV that night (even though, in real life we don’t have cable). Hilary Clinton had put an ad on the TV. She had legalized abortion in the entire United States. In the commercial, she had used words like, “Get rid of your problems today and get on with your life.” As she smiled that deceiving smile, the picture faded to a screen where it had information about the doctors and clinics you could go to in order to have an abortion. I was standing in the living room, frozen in my tracks just staring at the television in disbelief. In the background of the screen with all the info for clinics there was a black and white picture. One of the most horrifying pictures I had seen. It was a picture of dead babies of all sorts and sizes piled up. My heart was broken, and I could barely breathe.
I woke up gasping for air, my heart still broken. I thought it was odd that Chris had a “baby nightmare,” too.
Then later in the morning, I was scrolling through facebook and I just kept seeing these posts! There was an advertisement for a book about abortion. It was the first thing on my news feed! Then there was an article and a video about a “drop box” in Korea that a man had made so that people wouldn’t have abortions, but bring their unwanted babies and set them in this drop box. And this man took care of them! (And they are coming out with a film about it in March!
So then I was thinking….this is no coincidence….but I am not exactly sure what it means. Does this mean that God wants us to adopt children before having any of our own? Does it mean he wants us to start an orphanage and take care of children? I don’t know. But it was just too much all at once to pass off as nothing.
All I know is my heart has been broken today and I want to take action, but I do not know what action to take! Lord, help me to see and do what you want me to!
The other day, I woke up with a migraine (unfortunately, they are becoming more frequent). So, I went back to sleep, because sometimes a little extra rest helps. Around 9:45 am, I got up, my head still pounding. Chris had come in and was fixing himself a lunch which made me feel awful because I want to be the one to take care of him and fix him lunches. I began to beat myself up in my head. I allowed the devil to get in their and tell me lies like, “you aren’t a good wife. You can’t even get up and fix your husband lunch for his long day at work. You know he works so much harder than you. He at least deserves his lunch fixed by his wife.”
BAH! The devil is a dirt bag, you know?! He makes me so angry. So I stood in the doorway to the hallway, watching Chris fix his lunch. I was feeling weak and dizzy, and my head was killing me. I couldn’t stop thinking, “I just wish he could stay home today.” Then I thought, (again letting the devil press lies into my brain) “Michelle! You are so selfish! How could you? If he doesn’t go to work, he doesn’t get paid. It’s selfish to wish something like that! You dirt bag!” Bah again! So, feeling awful physically, and allowing that darn devil to beat me up mentally, I just started crying. I hate crying. Not because I think it’s a sign of weakness, but because it clouds my thoughts and sometimes makes me feel worse! So Chris walks across the room to say goodbye and notices that I am crying. He gave me a big hug and said, “Hey sweetie, what’s going on?!” I couldn’t say. The words just wouldn’t come. He said, “You’re still feeling pretty bad, huh?” I nodded. I was. I was feeling bad from all sides! He sat me on the couch and encouraged me. He said, “I will be back as soon as I can. Read some of the Bible and get some rest. I am going to be praying for you all day.” I am going to stop here and just praise the Lord for a praying husband! Then he said, “Don’t beat yourself up, sweetie. Don’t listen to those lies. They aren’t true. You are a child of God. You are precious to him and you are precious to me.” Chris is so sweet. 🙂
So he told me to stay home, instead of going to the office, unless I started feeling better later. He gave me a hug and a kiss and said goodbye. After that, I rested on the couch for a while. The sun was out and it was beautiful. One of the most beautiful days we have seen this year so far. Chris had opened all the curtains before leaving to cheer me up a bit. And it did cheer me up. Then I got on my phone and started scrolling through Facebook. I saw that one of my friends had posted a note. I went and read it, and then I thought, “hmmm….I haven’t posted a note in a long time…What did I use to write about?”
I went to my notes on Facebook and started reading some of the things I wrote in the past. I came across a couple of them where I had gone through a really tough time, with a break up in college. My goodness…it seemed like forever ago. But I read all the way through it. I read how God took me, and broke me, and began to shape me into who I have become. I read how His word was truth then, and is still very much the truth now. I read through my heartache…then through the triumph that God had given me. I had learned to trust and cling to God in one of the most difficult times in my life, even though at the time the devil was doing the same thing, telling me that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t worthy of love, that I was selfish, and filth. But all of that was a lie, because I had been changed by God. I knew that about everything else, I was loved. I was cherished. I was special to my creator. I knew the truth. And with God, I was unstoppable. From that note one, I triumphed over trial after trial. I learned to be joyful through it all. I learned that I was not a hopeless. I was not forgotten. I was meant to be where I was. God had placed me there–in the midst of chaos–to grow me, to build me up, and to strengthen my faith. He knew what he was doing all along.
It was there, on the couch as I rested, I realized these truths are still truth. I realized that God is not finished with me. He has brought so far. He loves me so much. He’s always been by my side, and he always will be. I am never alone. Not even when my husband has to be at work all day. As I read my notes from the past, I realized that I had let the devil take the truths that I held so close and firm and slipped little untruths into them to make me believe the lies. No more. The devil has no power here. With God, I will stand firm against the enemy’s attacks. With God, I will triumph, and give all the glory to him, because without him, I couldn’t stand. With God, I am going to make it, and I am going to be able to encourage others through what He does in my life.
With God, ALL things are possible.
Thank you, Jesus!
After a few hours after reading those old notes, I was feeling better, and I went into work…with my head held high and confident. Thank you, Lord, for your amazing love, and for the strength you give me. Amen.